(Nope we aren’t done yet… due to the length of this section this is part 4 with the concussion to be posted later.)
The easiest way to stay “near by”, was to pull my car out of our back employee lot, and drive to the main lot in front. From here I could walk to the pub two doors down and spend some money and time rationalizing what had just happened.
What else was I to do? My best “Work friend” just made out with me in front of everyone, then secreted me away for friendly favor sex in the most unlikely of places. While I was sure I needed a shot of something strong to shake me back into reality, I was not sure if all the bourbon in the world could erase the feeling of you inside.
How could I have missed the possibility of us being good together? I had hidden my true feelings for you for so long, and yet I had never imagined that you would fit me so perfectly.
In all the day dreams, night dreams, stolen moments I had never once thought that I would find the one, the made to order perfect, complete package; not in the goof ball good buddy that makes me smile.
Taking a moment to decide how much drinking I was going to do exactly, I ordered a double shot of fireball and a diet soda. As the cinnamon flavored liquor slid down my throat, my thoughts returned to the last moments of my day.
A million times over the past few years, I have thought of what we would be like as more than friends. But actually holding you, teasing you, feeling you, nothing could have prepared me for that.
Loving you from afar, watching your happiness with her, then your heartbreak, hoping that being what you needed, when you needed me, would be enough.
As I chased the burn away with carbonated caffeine, I became less dreamy headed and more worrisome. What If I was being played? Not that I thought you would do something like that to me, but I had been mistaken about men and their intentions before, more times than I would like to count.
Yelling for the bartender to add a crown apple to my tab, I continued my self analyzing.
Could you really want to make love to me? Could you really love me, at all?
As the jolly rancher flavored shot passed my lips, I closed my eyes and let my mind rattle and ramble a silent prayer, to what ever omniscient being might be listening.
Let it be real. My thoughts begged the heavens. I vow to treat him as more than a man, to treat him like a god. My hips will dance in devotion to him, my hands will caress his flesh as if holding a holy relic.
Let this be, and my lips will kiss sweet prayers for his favor across ever inch of his body. Let me love him, and I will worship him. Let him return that love and I will spend every day for the rest of my life trying to make myself worthy.
Reopening my eyes, I glanced at the neon circled clock. An hour after close, you’ll be done soon. Finishing my soda, My eyes scanned the clock, the parking lot, my phone; over and over in rapid succession.
About to give up hope, I slid my jacket off the back of my chair and waved the bartender over to get the payment I had tucked under my empty glass. As I headed for the door my phone lit up with the image of your face.
The cold night air hit my body with a rush, but it was slight in comparison to the nervous anticipation of what this text message might say. The white message bubble was blinding against the bold black letters that read:
” I was reminded of our non-fraternization policy, after our display inside. I don’t want anyone seeing us leave the parking lot together. Go get gas, or hit the store for something. Give me 20 minutes. I’ll text you with where to meet me. ”
No hint of emotion, just words on a screen, but at least you still intended to meet me. In that small moment hope returned. If your intent was truly to make love to me, we would need supplies. Sports drinks, energy bars, and the bag of tricks that I kept in the car’s trunk.
There was a store a block away, that would be my first stop. Starting up my car, I enjoyed a deep breath, here goes everything.
In line at the store, counter full of things to tide us over should we require sustenance, my phone lit up again. A hotel name and room number, nothing more nothing less.
Paying the cashier and grabbing my bag I pondered. Do you really want to make love? Or do you want a secret shagging? Is there really emotion behind your desire to see me? Or is it merely lust and after having a taste of me you figure I’ll be easy to taste again?
Finding a parking spot out of clear view of the road, I made my way to the hotel lobby. Nervous, anxious, mind turning a mile a minute, as I navigated the hotel map to find your room. A knock on the door, and meaning to or not, I held my breath.
As the door opened, I knew that nothing else had mattered. Like a vision from a dream your body stood before me, dripping wet. A towel around your waist, and light from behind you making your skin seem to glow.
I stared in disbelief as you smiled at me. “Sorry,” you said as I remembered my legs worked and I should probably walk in out of the hall.
“For what?” I asked managing somehow to speak.
“For getting my shower before you got here. Closing tonight left me a bit grungy.” You admitted.
Looking at my own uniform my mind said yeah girl you might want to get one yourself.
“It’s all good, I need one myself.” I muttered. As I put down the bags from the car.
“Want some help? ” You asked helping me out of my jacket.
I couldn’t help but grin as your hands wrapped around my waist from behind, and began un-tucking my shirt.
“I suppose, I never turn down good help when it volunteers.” I giggled as your fingers tickled at my sides.
Kicking out of my shoes, I began to unlatch my belt. Then sliding your hands beneath the waistline of my jeans, you began to shimmy them off.
Stepping out of the foot holes, I took my hair out of its bun, and lifted off my shirt. I began walking toward the bathroom, unclasping my bra as I turned back to glance at you, still knelt on the floor beside my jeans.
“Well, you coming, or not?” I asked playfully.
Sliding my bra off and tossing it behind me as I walked in the bathroom, you stood up to follow me.
The warm water felt so good against my cool skin, pelting in a light massage before trailing down my body. I was already fully saturated by the time you pulled back the curtain to join me.
“You seem to be having fun without me.” You grinned scanning my dripping wet body as if to store the image in your mind for future recall.
“Just relaxing, it has been a whirlwind of a day.” I said adding mango scented shampoo to my hair.
As I rinsed the suds from my hair I caught you glaring at the snake-like paths they left along my flesh. “Are you sure you are ready for this?” I asked to break the silence.
“Ready, to know what loving you is like? Yes, I think I have been for a while.”
“Then come here.” I beckoned with an out stretched hand.
Running my hand up your bare chest, to your shoulder, I stepped into your embrace.
“Perhaps we should go over the rules.” I whispered
“Rules?” you asked with raised eyebrows.
“The rules for making love to me are as follows, first you are not allowed to call me by anything other than my name. ”
Looking confused, “so no honey, baby or dearest?” You ask.
“First name, or first and middle if it’s really getting to you. The reason is, I need to know it’s me. I need to know even when your eyes close, it’s me you are with. I don’t want to be the stand in for some fantasy.”
” I suppose that makes sense now. I can do that. ” You said wrapping an arm around my back to pull me closer. “What else?”
“You have to look me in the eye,” I added gazing into yours. “Whenever the position allows for it.”
Staring back into mine , you added, “I can definitely do that.”
With a tug I pulled you in for a kiss, short and sweet, then a whisper in your ear. “And when you tell me you love me, and you will, I have to feel it.”
Kissing the side of your neck I backed away to meet your gaze again.
Both arms now around me you smiled, and in the sweetest voice I had ever heard your lips release you said my full name followed by “I love you.”
Exiting the shower both of us wrapped in towels we headed toward the professionally made bed.