The following story is hard to put out there because it’s more “me” than any story I have written to date. (please be kind with your thoughts and comments if you choose to share them.)
Slumber is no friend of mine. When it comes it brings the dreams. The vivid visions in full color, that confuse my head and ignite my heart. Each night I fight the power of exhaustion, praying that it will not pull me in and overtake me.
Because, even though the dreams are realistic, life-like, and passionate they are also heart breaking.
Spending every fully relaxed, unconscious moment feeling and being truly loved, only to have it yanked away by waking reality. Waking to my cold and lonely life is enough to fuel eternal insomnia.
So I fight. I lay in the darkness of nights shadow praying to make it until dawn without a yawn or a drifting of consciousness. Because I have found no man in the waking world that compares to the one that awaits behind my tired eyes.
It’s frustrating pining for a man you aren’t sure exists, is like hoping to win the lottery without having bought a ticket, and planning a life around the winnings you will never attain.
In truth I love him. And, were he a real man in my waking reality, no force on earth could keep me from his arms for long. But alas, he isn’t. He is merely my unconscious mind attempting to fulfill my hearts deepest desire the only way it can.
Loosing sleep may not be the healthiest choice in dealing with the gut wrenching pain that comes from waking up without him, but my other options sound even less attractive.
I could let slumber come and go naturally and accept the horror of the morning each time it wakes me, but I don’t want to. I could succumb to my dreams entirely, accepting that they are they only source of happiness left for me in this life, and rush through what waking tasks I have just to get back to sleep and to him. But, That is no way to live, and it really is not my style.
I choose to fight the slumber, because my heart needs time to heal between encounters. I elect this course because sleep does occasionally win, and while my dreams may be where I am happiest, I know there are real tasks and real people who need me to stay grounded in the painful, and lonely reality.
I just hope someday to be lucky enough to find his real life counterpart. That maybe I will be awake long enough for him to find me.
So, here I sit. Alone in darkness, fighting the fatigue with light, music, caffeine, and sheer will power. I’ve held out a week, and truth be told I miss it. Sleep. I miss the lie, the false love of a dream man that makes my body come alive and my heart beat with passion.
Those rough yet gentle hands that touch me as if I were more than merely desired. As if I were worshiped, and his devotion were to me above all others. Those lips that kiss every inch of my flesh as though the taste of my skin acted as both hunger deterrent and aphrodisiac. The heat of his body against mine soothing away the aches and pains of a long day as well as driving me crazy with passion and desire.
Oh no, dear lord when did I close my eyes? Hello slumber…you win this round. How will you entice me to heart-break this time….
My bed was different, bigger, the sheets and blankets softer. The television was off the coffee cup gone. I was in bed as if waking up but no longer in my life. Warm breath against my neck, the soft touch of a warm hand as it reaches from behind me to pull me closer. A kiss on my shoulder. My back warming from the closeness to your chest, our legs wrapped together in such a way that as we spoon, your cock can rest nuzzled in the crack of my bare ass.
I can barely fathom how to describe the feeling your touch gives me. It was as if my skin was the worlds most desirable canvas, and your fingertips were the tools of a master artist. Each time the two met it left a mark of love and longing.
My body felt alive with desire, as your hand traveled on its own tour of my skin. I wanted to keep the feeling of your caress with me always.
Your body shifted, your grip on me changed and I was rolled from my side to my back. My legs were suddenly lifted into the air along with the blanket that still barely covered us. You swiftly ducked beneath them and disappeared from sight, but not from touch.
A hand across my waist, the tickle of your hair between my thighs, then that tongue. That hot, wet, playful tongue against the folds of my flower, teasing my clit, licking out pleasure and lapping up the results.
From under the tent of blankets you devoured me like a buffet, with a mastering of a skill all men brag about having but few actually possess. Your strong arms holding me in position as well as possible, as my hips strove to arch and grind in the pleasure you mouth provided.
Your “hold me down” grip loosened as one hand slid down to join in the activities. Two thick fingers gauge the progress your mouth had made feeling my folds for moisture and heat, before sliding inside me.
Your tongue resumes a vigorous rhythm, Your fingers curl and extend as they slide in and out of me coaxing more and more of my nectar to flow to the surface.
My body trembling with the desire to climax, my will power the only barrier preventing the inevitable.
My whimper, high and breathless gave you the only que needed to finish me off. From beneath the covers came that low baritone voice that commanded the very heart of me. In a hungry whisper, a simple request, ” Cum for me my love. I want to taste you.”
Like a switch flipping my will to hold out dissipated, and the intensity of your passionate play increased. My body reacted the only way it could, with arches, and shivers, trembles and breathless moans.
Your fingers teasing from with-in your tongue engaged in an all out assault from the out, then a suck on my clit, strategically timed, and perfectly executed. My muscles tightened, and my breath caught, before the amazing wave of release.
The cream flowed from my center like a fountain, and you took every drop, like an excited child licking the brownie mix from the bottom of the bowl. You paused only for a moment in your feast to deeply whisper”That’s my girl.”
As my body began to calm, your hands began exploring again. First across my hips, then up my sides, across my stomach, the blanket rising up the length of my body like a rolling fog over a cool mountain meadow. Every inch a mile of emotion, your fingers on my flesh painting me crazy, your lips marking the distance with tender kisses, hiding from view with your shield of covers.
I wanted to see you, hold you, but you loved your playful games, and I wouldn’t deny either of us the satisfaction or joy your playfulness could bring.
The kiss giving blanket continued to rise, and with it the feel of your body against mine, warm and inviting had me squirming. I could feel your kiss, your fingertips, the blankets soft fabric.. but also your chest, sliding up my mid-drift, your legs arranging themselves between mine, your cock hard and ready just inches from my still sensitive center. The sweet torture had me mad with lust, but it was worth it to feel the love you put behind each teasing moment.
“You want more?” your devilish voice asked from beneath the blanket.
“Does the sun rise in the east?” I responded as my shiver of pleasure caused the tip of your shaft to graze my clit.
Feeling my body quake beneath you, the blanket stopped its northern journey just shy of my neck. your hands tucked back under it like a turtle tucking itself back in its shell. Before I had a chance to wonder what you had in store for me next, those hands cupped and began fondling my breasts. Taking each nipple to your lips in turn, nibbling , teasing, tasting.
My mind rasing along with my pulse. I wanted you so badly, but I didn’t want you to stop either. Play with me, I thought as you adjusted your position between my legs, but for god’s sake please me.
“Tell me what you want.” You asked from your tent of warmth, knowing it would only fuel my frustration.
” I want you, out from those covers and deep inside me.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud but there it was. The desire for you was too strong to keep it to myself any longer.
You flung the blanket off your back like a hollywood reveal, and glared at me with a look of guidance and need for my permission.
No hesitation taken, no thought on the matter needed as I looked into those “how do you want it” eyes. “Take me, take me now and don’t bother being gentle about it.”
Grabbing my hips in a reach around motion from behind my inverted thighs you yanked me down the bed, and closer to you.
“DAMN!” I yelled at the daylight that flooded my empty and lonely room. Every time I begin to lose myself in his arms, I wake up moments later alone, horny as hell, and brokenhearted.
And everyone asks me why I don’t sleep, if only they knew.