Crawling to the couch, we collapsed together. Laying between my legs, head on my chest, as I ran my fingers through your hair.
In truth I could have gone another round, or two if you had desired them. But, for the first time in almost forever, I was satisfied. I didn’t crave more sex, only more you. And holding you, like this, was the perfect end to our first time together.
“I love you.” You whispered as you lay content in my arms. “I hope you know that.”
I did know, I felt it in every touch, heard it every time you called me momma, saw it in your eyes even when you hadn’t said a word. But even now, after sharing the most intimate part of me, I couldn’t say it back.
“You mean the world to me, but you know my feelings about that word.” And we had talked about it before, I knew you understood. Love is a word I use sparingly. Only when I know with every part of my being that I could spend the rest of my life with someone, when I know that without hesitation I would die for them, does that word leave my lips.
“You were, you are, and hopefully you will always remain very dear and special to me, truly. And Looking ahead, I can see a time when I will not only say it, but say it often.” I added hoping that I had not crushed some part of your feelings for me.
The truth was, I was already yours. I knew in my deepest of places I was in love with you. But, to say it out loud meant claiming you, and our relationship was too new, too young, with too many unknowns to leap without looking.
I live by a strict rule, once I say it,… it’s forever. You’d have to let me go, because I’d never walk away.
Forever, that’s how long I was willing to lay there, wrapped up with you. A man who could stimulate my mind, my body, and if I’d only allow it, lock my heart in a bond you would rather die than break.
Perhaps it was the cute way you had your arm wrapped around my thigh, like a child hugging a teddy bear. Or maybe it was the way your head rested softy on my heart. But, you looked peaceful, happy, and at home.
The minutes, turned to hours and the obligations of the outside world reared their ugly faces. I didn’t want to leave, Nor were you ready to watch me go. But life, being the nasty four letter word that it is, was determined to interrupt our time together.
Back at my car, I reached for the ignition, and through my open window, you leaned in to give me a proper sweet good-bye kiss. I bid you farewell hoping our time apart would be short-lived.
The days that followed were full of inner rationalizations. In truth, I was trying to talk myself out of love with you. You were intoxicating, and I was becoming an addict. So a self-motivated intervention had my full and complete focus.
I told myself anything I thought would break your hold over me.
“For goodness sake girl, he’s not the best sex you’ve ever had.” I found myself talking aloud to my reflection in the mirror.
My mind would then silently respond. “But, he is easily top three, and given time, he could get better. Not to mention that touch, that voice, those eyes.”
I’d battle myself with debates, in the shower, in the car, lying in bed. “Notice, he dropped the “L” word after you gave up the pussy.”
“Yes, but he was falling for me before that. And even if we never had sex again, I could spend a lifetime kissing him, holding him, listening to his voice talk for hours.”
It was this last inner debate that hit me, like a ton of bricks to the face. When I heard my own heart say I could spend a lifetime in your arms, even without sex, I knew the argument was over. I was undeniably helplessly, harmlessly, and hopelessly yours.
The days passed and we found time to spend with one another as frequently as possible. Whenever and where ever the mood struck us, we found time, and available space to pleasure one another.
In the car, in your driveway, against the wall outside work, behind the cardboard dumpster, in the back parking lot, even once against a vehicle while your friend sat waiting only one parking spot away.
The passion our bodies held for one another took a back seat only to the connection our hearts were establishing. I began to trust you in ways I had never trusted a man. You knew my secrets, you saw the sides of me I kept hidden from the rest of the world.
In truth you hadn’t worn me out yet, but given time I’m sure you’d come close. It is a feat after all, my appetite is vast. You could keep up, and that was all I needed, and an accomplishment in its own right.
Two months with you, felt like two weeks, and also like two years. Time flew by us, in the joy of each other, and yet we grew in the understanding of one another, as if we had already spent a lifetime together.
I stood, on a normal Monday afternoon, in your driveway once again. As you wrapped your arms around me, I couldn’t help but lean into your warmth. I buried my face into the side of your neck, just under your ear.
“I have two surprises for you,” I whispered. “One is a bit of playtime fun that I have tucked in this bag.”
You glanced at the small canvas bag, its handles wrapped around my wrist. Then asked, “The other?” As you lifted me off the ground with an ass squeezing hug.
Nibbling a bit at your earlobe, I whispered again. “Simply that I love you too.”
Continue to part six…